Spiritual Forum - TIME TO PART ?? Why not just perform the 'DANCE' ?? ?? ??

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TIME TO PART ?? Why not just perform the 'DANCE' ?? ?? ??

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Started 2 months ago by BroDan
Latest reply from BroDan

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BroDan
Member

Yes, it's me again, Bro Dan,

Here's a topic that currently is teasing at me . . .

I am not in in any desperate discomfort but what are you thoughts on this one . . .

What is the reason behind holding, creating or working for longevity in a relationship ??

My girl and I as I'm sure you all know are pretty much about to take different paths which is Ok but wondered what was the point after all for me to possibly eventually start, take on or let my self fall in love to a similar situation in the future ?

I feel (please correct me if this is not your truth) that a 'relationship' between two people does not exist, but that what does exist is the devotion between one and another saying that on calling out the words:

"yes, I will marry you"

That each are willing to participate in the 'dance' with you, this word given between two souls is that what ever happens, weather they fall in and out of love with you, weather they become challenged by what ever other desire that they will be their partner as the bible says:

"For Richer, for poorer though sickness and in health" . . .

To make the 'relationship' of 'the dance' work, what ever the challenge. Or is this Biblical faith generated for those that are weak?

I mean, I've had a 9 year relationship wih this girl that sill leaves me thinking:

"The grass will always seem greener on the other side of the fence, so why not simply do my best to make things work which in my best self teaching is what ever it takes, make it last as things will always seem better."

What is the point ?

I just don't get it ???

After 9 years with what seemed the love of my life, some one that can't say 'no' to her desires and I after splitting up am left living a free, happy and in a single status why should I let my self fall in Love with another girl to go over it again?

I mean yeah sure, for one hour I can love another girl for us to unite in incredible ways then let go of her, the next 3 years, the next 22 years before one of us chooses to let desire take over what we have and on to the next, I mean, detached sex sounds so much more appealing to me.

There's something really obvious I'm missing right now over the 'dance of life' and the whole value behind it, what on earth is the point of it guys ???

Insight, any of it would be again appreciated.

Thanks guys,

BroDan

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

BroDan,

The wedding vows that you speak are not biblical. Thou much is said, such as "Do not leave the wife of your youth". Do not abstain from having sexual relations with one another, except for such things as period and illness etc., unless agreed upon by both. There is much discussion regarding sleeping with the wife of a married man, and the wrath that will not be appeased should you do so. The must alluring scripture does speak of the dance (relationship), between the lover and the beloved.

As in a dance one must lead and one must follow. The one who leads must have prepared to lead the dance in every way. Then he (lover) must ask her (beloved) to accept his proposal to dance in the first place. The beloved must position herself as one who may or may not accept. Challenging always the effort by the lover to convince her that she will be totally romanced and cared for in every way, and if she chooses to dance she would as well be in every way devoted to the dance and her lover. Such things, to be clear take time and effort. It would be wise for each of us to have been tutored by our parents and elders regarding such things. So that we would not be so amiss (daft) amidst our courtships and relationships.

So, you are asking for clarity, with my responses. Yet, you continue to ask even from those whom have responded so. Let me ask you! If you have reached the ocean and stood before the rising tides, and were told that twice a day the tide would rise and fall. Would you then, automatically know about the diverse eco-system that the tides sustain. Or would you agree this might take years of study just on this one topic?

Consider: If by circumstance, you have one relationship after the other, you would learn in time how to open and close the feelings of such relations, and as you say... in time perhaps such feelings would be seen as fleeting... and you would just stop entertaining these external feelings. But, i assure you the inner you would not be as before.

In the same way those who have exercised the dance (marriage) and have placed the other before themselves... in a way of righteousness. The dance never bores or tires and the vignettes of courtship are by the lover... never stop, and he is endeavored always to appease his beloved.

For instance, should one come across in their youth a most beautiful young women, one whom has not as of yet even realized her beauty. A righteousness approach would be to not take advantage of this fact, but in a most honest and sincere way reveal this to her... in time offering that to be one with such a beauty, the lover would face many challenges as would she. A level of maturity is required. One that would have to think less of themselves then the other.

Ultimately, it is suggested that should one's eye's be opened to the Lord, they should consider the situation of their lives and live accordingly, whether married, single or otherwise and devote all that they are toward the Divine first, then to each other. It is in this way that the "each other" will take on insights that could not be seen as before.

... in grace!

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

Aaaah . . . Gates Of Grace, you have really touched me with your post, thank you very much for the time you have spent doing that.

You write at the end of your post:

"Ultimately, it is suggested that should one's eye's be opened to the Lord, they should consider the situation of their lives and live accordingly, whether married, single or otherwise and devote all that they are toward the Divine first, then to each other. It is in this way that the "each other" will take on insights that could not be seen as before.

... in grace!"

from your post I'm trying to be the observer of my self best I can but seem to be too emotionally wrapped up to be able to step back and see.

What I feel I can see is that I am doing what you mean and that is to be appreciative of the Devine, to feel gratitude for all, this is something that is propelling the happy state I am now in that is attracting so many positive possibilities to me.

Secondly is the feelings of my beloved Vasu who is currently away at a yoga retreat trying to work out weather I am the one for her or not, I do Love her dearly and see my self as having been lovingly dedicated to her. I when she returns on Wednesday she feels I am not able to satisfy what it is that she wishes I'll be taking a deep breath and in a manner of Love I'll let her go, to a degree sadly I admit.

I feel I am doing my best to ensure happiness with in her but have recently become so busy getting my DJ career to work so feel we drifted a part over 3 months prior to her questioning our relationship. Funny thing is that satisfying Vasu financially has always p[lade a major part in my ambitious dreams.

I'm torn between being able to make regular money out of my DJ-ing so can provide financially in the way Vasudha wishes, or to let go of my happyness to make her happy, this being to give up my career as DJ that I love so much and find another career that just brings home the money, I can't do that though. Things are finallly (at least in my and my colleagues eyes) really happening for me as a DJ and have tried telling Vasu but she just can't see it.

Vasu is back on Wednesday and I'm sure my path will reveal it's self very soon after we meet again.

I'm facing difficult times that's for sure.

Thanks Gates Of Grace, no where else can I connect, learn from and speak to in such soothing way.

I can see you have worked to be come an amazing being.

Big hug,

BroDan

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

BroDan,

In response: To any reaction and/or new path of insight and direction one sees, one must first accept what is, as it is and as it was. In what ever way you were as you were, for the 9 years let's say, one does not simply walk away from this. If you became overnight the insightful righteous one, you would first set a path to undue each and every ripple of action/re-action that was the former you. If you were a householder when you started this journey of self awareness, then one must honor his position that led him to this new place. One will in time, find a way to be both a householder and as well hold to his righteousness. Let me assure you that if you hold to measures that are founded in truth and righteousness, there is nothing that Vasu will hold more dearly, that is born of untruth and deception or all else.

One will begin to make amends for the financial hardships... that on one hand the desires of DJing were pursued... while you as well started a family. Both are honored in themselves, but both may require extra duties on your part to sustain... Have you done so? That and much else must be considered.

When such things have been secured, and the truth is revealed and exercised, you will at last be connected to the peace that is born from the essence that can only be found in true relations. One must be willing to accept what comes, without internal or subliminal manipulations... that is the challenge!!!

Blessings!

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

Oh wow Gates of Grace, I am totally with you and feel what you say.

You say:

"that on one hand the desires of DJing were pursued... while you as well started a family. Both are honored in themselves, but both may require extra duties on your part to sustain... Have you done so? That and much else must be considered."

Extra duties: With the knowledge I have developed to look back, I see no extra duties that I have over looked or have not taken on, I have hit every bill, debt ect thrown at me. Vasu feels I should have saved money though she had not spoken to me about the future she wishes for, in her realising the future she wishes for that incorporates me to have saved a few thousand pounds I at virtually the same time am told by her that she wanted me to move out for a while so she can think about it. Vasu isn't as of her realising the future she wishes for thought of giving me some time to adjust.

In the past during our relationship I have lost days, weeks and months to work on my career in doing all the plastering, carpentry, door fitting, electrical re wiring and even stripping the house of floor boards for central heating to be fitted, a lot of the decoration while at the same time fit in what ever work I could find to share all expenses on materials.

I have loved her when sick, when confused, lonely or in states she wished to part, dedicated my self 200% to the relationship, never caged or trapped her, let her go out with who ever and when ever she wished and supported her every desire and compromised on every condition that makes up my personality.

I feel that because of the very fact that I have always behaved from a state of truth best to my ability, not arguing to win disagreements but spoken calmly in the name of Love that I see my self as so far some one that no woman that connects with me as so could be left wishing for more.

You end by saying:

"When such things have been secured, and the truth is revealed and exercised, you will at last be connected to the peace that is born from the essence that can only be found in true relations. One must be willing to accept what comes, without internal or subliminal manipulations... that is the challenge!!!"

I have got through plenty of stages in this 9 year relationship where I have had to question my self so deeply that I have gone through incredible self torture and been left in near total acceptance of all. I am a state of great gratitude for all the knowledge the hard times have tout me and the clarity I have achieved that gives me the sight to the truth I see. Weather the truth I see be it nearer the truth or at times distorted.

I am great full I have this challenge as it will make me grow stronger and wiser. In Vasu I see her root, her soul and not the conditioning she is battling with which seems to be what is making her want to walk away from this beatiful dance we have shared.

I feel I am writing all this because I lack from self love, the self love being the factor that enables one to easily walk away at a time like this.

All I know is that if she has come to the final decision that we should part, I will really feel for her as I know that on many a day after she will feel deep regret for making such a decision.

If it happens as I say, she's is as free from me as she wishes and will I know find a greater level of happiness either with, or with out her.

Thanks again Gates Of Grace.

BroDan

x
xx

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

BroDan,

Then we are brothers! NAMASTE!

... bowing to you and to Vasu for each enduring on the path that leads to truth. Remember this... what is gained in one... may as well be gained in the other. To have tried, is to believe and to be in faith.

...much love is felt in what you say!!

ray

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

BroDan,

For the record,

A brother such as this does not stand in a high place. In his awareness he is merely defined as one as small as a grain of sand. He is also aware that there is a force and power that stands with him in all that he does in the truth. It is in this way that he can be to all things large and small. He will extend his regard to those who are seeking their way. As long as a believer remains... a believer, and is tethered to the truth, they will be received by the righteous Council that is Truth.

HOPE ALL IS AS IT SHOULD BE... soon enough!

ray

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

Oh Blees you Ray . . . right now your the only I feel that right now I have as my guide . . .

Lost, I'm so lost . . .

Trying not to get desperate in the hope that truth will reveal itself soon.

I need clarity, I need to get out of my head and feel, just feel with no description, no attachments, just feel.

But I just can't.

Vasu has come back from her Yoga holiday and in a late night catching up has told me the truth, for nine years she lied to me.

She said that in the whole nine year relationship that I have never satisfied her sexually, she said that though she had told each time it was great, she was lying.

This tore me in two as I have still to succeed in my passionate career so found out in a way that haven't been succeeding at anything apart from loving my self and others, in truth best I know it, I live to love.

During the nine years we have danced together I felt I was at least able to make what seems to be my life's true love, happy. That I could travel along the newly found paths of love of all with her along my side, not entrapping her but there to flow along side her in harmony while at the same time full fill my dreams with a smile from her.

Is in-compatibility ? Are some two people able to connect in love but not phisically or ever ?

Should we let go to find others that can give me the love I'm after or is Vasu simply holding back loving me properly out of fear ?

Should I be giving up looking in to her eyes lovingly and get my self out of this?

Move out and start a new with some one I feel expresses the love towards me I'm after ??

Or should I carry on reaching out for something might not or have ever been there?

I'm lost, so lost . . .

Ray, please help me see the soothing the truth through this.

BroDan

x
x

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

AMENDED POST:

Oh Blees you Ray . . . right now your the only I feel that right now I have as my guide . . .

Lost, I'm so lost . . .

Trying not to get desperate in the hope that truth will reveal itself soon.

I need clarity, I need to get out of my head and feel, just feel with no description, no attachments, just feel.

But I just can't.

Vasu has come back from her Yoga holiday and in a late night catching up has told me the truth, for nine years she lied to me.

She said that in the whole nine year relationship that I have never satisfied her sexually, she said that though she had told each time it was great that she was lying.

This tore me in two as I have still to succeed in my passionate career, to make it something others can see and touch. So I found out that in a way that I haven't been succeeding at anything, apart from loving my self and others. In truth best I know it, I realise that I live to love, that's my driving passion in my Dj career, it is to gather us children in unity to rejoice, let go and love as one in unity.

During the nine years we have danced together I felt I was at least able to make what seemed to be my life's one and only true love, happy. That I could travel along the newly found paths of love of all with her along my side, not entrapping her but there to flow along side her in harmony while at the same time full fill my dreams with a loving smile from her.

Is in-compatibility something that exists even if the couple feel the love ?

Are some two people able to connect in love but not phisically and if so ever ?

Should we let go of each others to find others that can give us the love we yearn ?

Is Vasu simply holding back loving me properly out of fear ?

Should I be giving up looking in to her eyes lovingly and get my self out of this? Move out. start a new and seek some one I feel expresses the love towards me I'm after ??

Or should I carry on reaching out for something that might not or have ever been there?

I'm lost, so lost . . .

Ray, please help me see the soothing truth through this.

BroDan

x

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

BroDan,

One must realize that such testimony has many parts. With Vasu, as well as with yourself, it will come to pass in both your realizations that each of you were brought together for the wrong reasons... in part. Desire and intention, especially in one's youth is more often than not skewed by many wants, needs etc. It was with the most humility that i revealed this to my wifee of 30 years. That with such reflection, when truth has been realized and reflected upon these things should be of no surprise.

But one should realize it "IS" a victory won. Whomever, comes to this realization will not rest on such a fact. Rather they are inspired "more" by the opportunity to see things as they were... really.

So... rather than feel lost brother, you should as well embrace this truth. Wifee and i are still very much together and we are very much more solidified with knowing such truths. Again, this "surprise" need to be understood. With each layer of deception revealed, one will truly not be as before. What you perhaps have not realized is this, the truth supports all who remain in it and as it sets you free... those who remain in the truth rise over the likes as judgment, bias, lesser desires, wrong intention and so on. Vasu will weigh the convictions of her revelations for a time. This will entice her to see and feel unlike she has before.

... i will follow this post directly regarding sexuality and the like.

If any brothers/sisters are flavored as i am regarding what i share please jump in.

ray

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

BroDan,
Vasu... all,

Sexuality and the satisfaction that is realized or denied is not derived by the one who shares in it with you. Initially, one is reserved regarding such things. Yet, if one is enticed by the other, and such reservations are overcome... one can quickly become seduced by the extension of this new found intimacy. In this, they might feel truly satisfied, moving past these reservations by a few degree's. Soon, even this seduction will loose it's appeal and one will be inclined toward more intimacy and extended sexuality. Much like a junkie who needs more and more drugs to be edified. Can one say that they were satisfied fully at first, by a few degree's, or was it the next or the next?

Rather, it is because of inhibitions that one is unable to truly be satisfied with another. Let me explain! If the beloved (woman) was tutored by her elders how to fully express herself to her lover, she might realize that she is to accept and entice for a time. While yet, holding on to her reservations (intimacy). Such things must be earned by the lover not by seduction alone. The lover (man) would be taught by his elders that seduction is an avenue that he can only win for a time. If he uses such a weapon with his beloved, he might have to continue doing so until he is completely exasperated. He therefore must establish other measures such as trust, compassion and honesty. Once established, he could then entice his romance with her on many fronts. Should another come along and entice her with seduction alone, she would not be swayed so easily.

So on one hand the beloved learns when to accept and to entice, while the lover learns to win her affections and intimacy with patience, endurance and rounded appeal. BroDan, this is the direction the truth is pointing... for you and Vasu as well as the rest of us.

You are never alone in this... and you are certainly not ever lost... rather you are being found. Yet, for a while as one is found they are for a while letting go of their former ways... while accepting the new. This is daunting, and that is why the brotherhood of believers, that is the body... is always with you.

ray

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

BroDan,

Your relationship with Vasu is felt...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OD8tL57QQs
YouTube - Jewel - Anyone But You

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

ha ha ! yeah, I get you mean on the "anything but you track !!".

It does seem like that but she isn't even sure of that!

Trust, there's never any doubt.

Patience, she has as much as she wants, days, months, even a year if need be.

Compassion, what ever she wants as long as it doesn't involve me becoming something I'm not, even for me to let her go of her to be come happy, if it's really needed, sadly but yes, she has it.

Yes, I see what you mean that when two meet at such a young age when as we where so deeply conditioned that once these conditionings are purified we would both become very different people and different to how we once we where we most certainly have become.

Problem is, what I see in her I still stupidly love dearly.

It's not the knowing she doesn't want me any more that quakes me, it's the not knowing what Vasu wants that's making me quiver. Wether I am to let my self fall in love with her again or weather I'm looking at needing to grit my teeth and leave is the killer.

So what your saying is that if I've been offering her more than just seduction, things as you say compassion, trust and patience that she will see me as the one again ?

Thanks Ray, your knowledge is being soaked in very quickly.

Dan

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

Dan,

You wrote:

It's not the knowing she doesn't want me any more that quakes me, it's the not knowing what Vasu wants that's making me quiver. Whether I am to let my self fall in love with her again or whether I'm looking at needing to grit my teeth and leave is the killer.

So what your saying is that if I've been offering her more than just seduction, things as you say compassion, trust and patience that she will see me as the one again ?

END QUOTE

Dan,

What has been shared, has not sustained this relationship per say. It is likely that what was holding you two together was founded on much else... whereby trust, compassion and honesty was truly sought for, but other types of manipulations prevailed.

This one as well, was faced with what you wrote above. So i prayed for insight, accepting what was placed before me... what i had been, in my clutching manipulated desperate ways was true enough. Even as i knew no other way, one must first accept what was.

With the most diabolical plan seeming hopeless, then only did i turn toward the truth. It was needed for me to overcome my manipulative, self righteousness. Then it came to me. So i called wifee and i said without hesitation, "It doesn't have to be like this."
That was it i hung up, telling her that i would see her later. I knew nothing else. It was so refreshing for me. There was no angle, no manipulation to play out. It was perhaps the first time i really trusted the truth, or at least was willing to see and to listen to what my heart was telling me.

Yes Dan, this play (dance) has been played out long before us. Yet, for those who triumph, each will have a song written and will be sung by the angels, with each anniversary in the new order. Well, that is how i see it anyway! lol

Jewel is one of those angels filling in till then i think!

By the way, to be your guide would be a wonderful honor, it is accepted, now i wish you to be my guide as well... will you accept!

ray

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

Dan,
Share this one with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKnxmkOAj88
YouTube - Jeff Buckley-Hallelujah

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

Oh Gates Of Grace, as I listen to this Hallelujah I am in crying so deedply, the emotions shifting are amazing and I've done it 100 percent, detachment and freedom is mine !!!

Ray, right now you are my only guide and from what I see YES I'd be honoured to have you as my guide and equally when I have the strength guide you back.

Thanks for fearlessly giving me the truth.

I have seen such a desire in her and she knows I have for her to want to start a new relationship with some one else that I have got her to the stage where she can see us having an open relationship while we live in the flat we share.

I am willing as she has agreed for me to let her go fullfill her desires and be with other men then after if she wants me back at least she won't have the fear of having blown our relationship and we can easily get back together as the whole time we would have shared a space as friends.

On the other hand if she finds her self happy with next then let her go completely and move out.

Hows that Ray ?

If agreed by both that really is an amazing step forward hey, accomplishing detachment on my behalf and all ?

Thanks Ray, as a guide your amazing.

Dan

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

Dan,

Tears of freedom and joy... just try to imagine an eternity of such moments. lol

Dan... the real journey has yet to begin... REALLY!

Bless you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEzRXjg1rYE&feature=related
YouTube - Leonard Cohen - If it be your will

My all time favorite...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61XkGntxMdY
YouTube - Jewel - Angel Standing By (Live 1997)

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

YouTube - Jewel - Angel Standing By (Live 1997): Amazing key cords, really something that piece.

Leonard Cohen - If it be your will: I didn't feel it, your amazing at knowing what moves you though, I love that in in you.

The reason why I didn't feel it is because what ever she wishes is done, whether I'm out, we spit up, say good bye for ever etc, what ever she wants she has. Problem is that I texted her to say I'm just going to start the process by finding my self a flat, then if she wishes when it comes to it I know where I'm going. She instantly called back and said "hang on!" lets see how this open relationship goes. So here I am, out of love for her in limbo, not I admit with an eternal view of nothing but tears of Joy but never the less, my out look over this whole situation seems to have become much less turbulent.

We have a two hour session with our new Tantric teacher on the Saturday after the next who said that it's probably due to the attachment and other various conditions we apply to each other when having sex that is making us un-compatible. She said that in practicing Tantra this can be resolved and Vasu has given her word to participate in this.

The other way to resolve this is by allowing the confused partner to sleep with others, so it's all go on every level for Vasu ! ha ha !

Vasu may well be sleeping with other guys this week end and I'm exited to see her happy. She has become so sexual, virtually over night. First it was that I wasn't responsible, then that I wasn't masculine enough then finally that she just wants sex with others, all in the space of a week !! ha ha!

Vasu now sees that I have managed to detach my self from her so is all out to jump in to bed with some one else, it's such a head sex thing, it's got it written all over her.

So I am willing to sit back and watch her unravel her self with sexual encounters with others to see where she stands, if after all it's just not working, that I am in the way of her new sex mad state then sure, I'm off, but I have a funny feeling that after she's got this out of her system say over 6 months or even a year, that we no longer are attached to each other that she will for the first time see my soul, and not my conditioning.

Ok, I could very well be hoping for something that just isn't going to happen but enough angels have spoken to me and I am now able to hear my heart speak clearer so am confident of what I see.

Thanks Ray,

Dan

Posted 2 months ago #
selfseeker
Member

Dear Brodan,

It is nice to see that ray is with you in these troubled times & making all efforts to make you feel better & also understand the mechanism how it all works.

I read your post wherein Vasu has "asserted", that you never satisfied her ! ... and I sense that you are perturbed over these remarks. When the basic foundation of relationship was found on such a deluding thing as sex which even the lowliest of
beings get in plenty in their lifetime & hardly feel satisfied with that hoping for a much more exciting time next time, then why weep on such a relationship ?

Sex is the most powerful delusion any human being faces in this life. People keep doing this for thousands of times & yet carry a delusion that there can be something even better than what they had so far .... a better partner, a better technique, some drugs ... the reality is that more you have it the stronger gets the desire for a still "better" chance !! Come to think of it ! If a few thousand times of doing it doesn't satisfy you & you keep looking for an even more exciting "thing" , will you ever be satisfied with it ? Aren't you running after the mirage just to be thrown in a state of depression when your organs won't be in a condition to carry out the performance you desire or when you don't find your "dream partner" anymore due to any reasons whatsoever ! ...and if that is not enough to wake you up, one day death will come & you will still be burning in the flames of desires ... !! Brodan, who is in a better condition ? The child who has never tasted sex & is happy, smiling & laughing over small things ... or a grown up man who keeps on having sex, feels excited everytime he does & then keeps always looking for "more", "better" .... still more, still better ..... endlessly ??

The satisfaction & happiness lies in your mind & not in the body of someone else ! Just ponder over this ... this is the Truth ! Vasu, I think, cannot understand at this moment but you can certainly do.

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

ha ha !!! ha ahaaaaa ahaaaa a aaaaaaaa ahaaaaaaaaaaa ahahahahaaaaaaa . . .

Selfseeker !!! Yahoooo !!!

Thanks Ray !!! WooHOOOooooo !!!

I've done it, I've actually done it. Vasu is free to do what ever she likes to get this out of her system. I am so sure, like it's the truth as you say Selfseeker that 'Sex' never satisfies, it is the way you view sex that produces the satisfaction. I just know that after a series of encounters she will see that it is her that needs to purify to a new level to actually enjoy sex with me and find me sexually attractive, this bveing something I just know she'll find through sexual experiences with others.

On the other hand if for one reason or another this isn't going to work then . . . bye bye Vasu !!!

Hear this guys . . .

Vasu this morning (with me now being much easier to talk to) said to me:

"It's just that I don't find you sexually attractive, but I still love you on a spiritual level so would like to see if after this we can get back together, if I fall for some one else then well have too see what we do about it then".

The not being sexually attractive to her doesn't bother me in the slightest, it's a total head thing from both on my and her behalf that I am detached from, desire for sex myself I just don't seem to have unless it is based on love and right now I am happy just watching Vasu, one day my wan't for sex may rise for me to a level where I may well be out on the prowl for sex as well but in having mastered what I feel is the truth, I'm just not interested unless founded on love.

I have recently been covering amazing ground, I can see that I actually 'Love' Vasu, I love her root, her soul, the colour and vibrancy of her soul underneath the conditioning that she is working through, I have also learned that the conditioning of your partner must be respected and catered for, this is love and that is why I have set her free to do what ever she feels she needs to get though this then well see after where we stand.

I mean, how many beautiful relationships go to pot simply because either one of the partners in the relationship just doesn't feel sexually satisfied?

Exactly loads! As I know we understand they are on the chase of happiness though something that is not with in them, in Vasu's case I see this and respect the conditioning, bless her, this isn't easy for her. I had slept with 30 other girls before Vasu to see the pattern that Sex was always the same, that it was always the same because I was either in Love with their conditioning which as we know is always changing any way and not the person or soul themselves. Vasu on the other hand has only had one brief partner before me so can fully understand her needing to carry out sexual relationship with others for her to see that what we have is so special.

Near truth hey guys?

Totay the sun shines brightly for me.

Big hug to both you Selfseeker and Ray,

Dan

Posted 2 months ago #
gatesofgrace
Member

Dan,

Quite a roller coaster ride your on, eh! Such swings in perspective and acceptance is usually followed by quite reflection and devotion and the like. Please! Do not let me rain on your parade, but remember swinging from one attachment to another is very easy when you are so vulnerable. Try to read a few proverbs, as this is a good time to feel grounded and assured of simple things.

Proverbs 14 TNIV

1 The wise woman builds her house,
but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.

2 Whoever fears the LORD walks uprightly,
but those who despise him are devious in their ways.

3 A fool's mouth lashes out with pride,
but the lips of the wise protect them.

4 Where there are no oxen, the manger is empty,
but from the strength of an ox come abundant harvests.

5 An honest witness does not deceive,
but a false witness pours out lies.

6 The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none,
but knowledge comes easily to the discerning.

7 Stay away from the foolish,
for you will not find knowledge on their lips.

8 The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways,
but the folly of fools is deception.

9 Fools mock at making amends for sin,
but goodwill is found among the upright.

10 Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can share its joy.

11 The house of the wicked will be destroyed,
but the tent of the upright will flourish.

12 There is a way that appears to be right,
but in the end it leads to death.

13 Even in laughter the heart may ache,
and rejoicing may end in grief.

14 The faithless will be fully repaid for their ways,
and the good rewarded for theirs.

15 The simple believe anything,
but the prudent give thought to their steps.

16 The wise fear the LORD and shun evil,
but a fool is hotheaded and yet feels secure.

17 The quick-tempered do foolish things,
and those who devise evil schemes are hated.

18 The simple inherit folly,
but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.

19 Evildoers will bow down in the presence of the good,
and the wicked at the gates of the righteous.

20 The poor are shunned even by their neighbors,
but the rich have many friends.

21 It is a sin to despise one's neighbor,
but blessed are those who are kind to the needy.

22 Do not those who plot evil go astray?
But those who plan what is good find [a] love and faithfulness.

23 All hard work brings a profit,
but mere talk leads only to poverty.

24 The wealth of the wise is their crown,
but the folly of fools yields folly.

25 A truthful witness saves lives,
but a false witness is deceitful.

26 Those who fear the LORD have a secure fortress,
and for their children it will be a refuge.

27 The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life,
turning a person from the snares of death.

28 A large population is a king's glory,
but without subjects a prince is ruined.

29 Those who are patient have great understanding,
but the quick-tempered display folly.

30 A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones.

31 Whoever oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker,
but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

32 When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down,
but even in death the righteous seek refuge in God.

33 Wisdom reposes in the heart of the discerning
and even among fools she lets herself be known. [b]

34 Righteousness exalts a nation,
but sin condemns any people.

35 A king delights in a wise servant,
but a shameful servant arouses his fury.

Peace to you Dan... ray

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

Well there you have it, I could see she feared hurting me so much that I was the one who had to make the call . . .

I got on my long board and pounded my way down the south coast of the Uk from my home town of Brighton and ended up 7-8 miles away in a place called Shoreham, the sun was glistening, the sea was lapping the shingle covered coast and the reflection of the sun in water made the setting perfect, this was where I decided to sit and conquer with in . . .

i could feel the pain reach up me and grab me to pull me down, the deep sadness but 'NO!' as in 'NO!' I was not going to let this self inflicted darkness pull me down, so I used the convulsions of my body crying as the pain set in to make my the deepest part of my gut take the strain, to breathe deep in to my 'Hara' (Spelling??) on every convulsion . . .

The pain kept making my body convulse faster and faster so by the end of it I was going through what I know they do in some Hindu practice to achieve a higher state of being, I had hit the moon on hiperventillation and 'KER BANG!!!' the penny dropped, I embraced the truth like a long lost brother, this truth had stared me in the face for 2 weeks but with ego leading me before hand, I was previously blinded by the ego it's self not to see this . . .

The phone rang a little time after and who was it? You guessed it, it was what I so called my 'beloved Vasu', in answering the call this is how the conversation went . . .

Vas: hello you, you Ok

Dan: Yes 'Vassudha' I am fine, now before you speak I have had enough of looking of my self looking after your feelings, now its about time I think of me in 'my' life, so listen carefully . . .

You have come to feel you have a desire for sex with others, to experience what you feel is this 'masculinity' in another relationship and I have worked hard to detach my self from to the point that I had prepared my self for you to go off and get this out of your system and try out an open relationship. But while I'm offering all of this you have kept asking me so many times about how I feel about doing so but once I had moved out. Then on top of all this you have also said that you don't find me sexually attractive so what on earth do you visualise there is in strength on your behalf to stick with me and work this out ??? ? ? ? ? ??? ? ?

Vasu: er . . .

Dan: Exactly, it's over. End of.

Vasu: You sound quite aggressive?

Dan: Well I'm sorry if sound a bit aggressive but it's the closest I can manage to being composed when at the end of a 9 year amazing relationship, I think I'm doing very well actually?

Vasu: Oh ok, yeah I see . . . I thought you where coming home tonight to discuss this?

What is there to discuss, the truth has been staring us in the eyes but you have been in so much fear of hurting me that you have not had the guts to tell me for all this time??

Vasu: Silence . . .

Dan: Let go, just let go we've done it, that's it. We've done it. 9 years in and it's over.

Vasu: Em . . . er . . .

Dan: Now is my time, now I think of me so what I'd like is that I don't ever see you again, if we meet we'd end up on the floor in a pool of each others snot crying so lets not go there. Done. Were over. Finished.

Vasu: What??? I'll never see you again??

Dan: I don't know? Give me 3 months and then well see, who knows? But for now this is what 'I' wish for. Also what I'd like you to do is to be out tonight so I can have the flat to my self and I'll come back during week days while your at work to move out.

Vasu: Oh really?

Dan:Yes! We've done it Poppy, no tears, no pain that's it. My last memory of you will be you leaving for work today and not memories of you and me on the kitchen floor patting each other on the head crying like the world has come to an end saying sorry . . . sorry . . . sorry . . . from now on let's just text and mail to sort out cash Ok?

Vasu: silence . . .

Dan: Yes? No?

Vasu: Ok.

Dan: Bye Bye little one.

Vasu: Ok lets chat soon, you do know I love you don't you?

Dan: If you look in to the eye of any one, the next person who walks past you, the next to enter the room, a grandfather, old lady brother, sister, anyone! you will see this very same love for them . . . but this is not the love in a relationship like this I am after.

Vasu: You do know this hard for me!

Dan: And you don't think it is for me as well??

Vasu: Er . . . er . . . well yeah . . . and for you to.

Dan: So what's the point in stating that?

Vasu: Silence . . .

Dan: Ok, bye bye.

Vasu: Ok . . . Bye.

Dan at this stage hangs up.

WWWWWWWWOOOOOOooooooooooHHHOOOOOOOooooooooooo !!!!

The release, the freedom of the self torture I put my self through in trying to help this girl as the love of my life and put my self FAR out of the picture, the amazing future I could see, the sun by now rippling the sky in reds, the sea lapping away the lot came flooding to me . . . I wasn't left feeling good . . . I was left feeling ALIVE AND INVINCIBLE !!!!

Incredible, I did it. I mean I DID IT !!!!

And breathe . . .

Now a beer to celebrate as I write to you my newly found friends in the darkness that has now passed . . .

Selfseeker, Starion and most of all GatesOfGrace (Who I now know to be Ray) Thank you so much for having been with me though this.

Ahh . . . if it wasn't for the internet and you guys in this very forum, I just don't know how else I'd have done it. Thank you . . . thank you . . . thank you . . .

Tomorrow I find my own little flat to rent, by the week end I'm there producing music, painting walls and most of all . . . operating from 'my own' . . . newly formed . . . out look.

Take care guys.

Bro . . . Dan

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Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

Guys, a message about and to Vasu who I'll post a link to . . .

Just thought I'd say, Vasu is going through a very tough time, she is going through change and doesn't know what she wants.

Bless you poppy, my mum, my dad, brothers, sisters, Dave, Marky, Chloe. Damian, Laura, little Katy, Pip, friends and every other little last particle left in the cosmos is here to love you, give you in sight where you need it, a shoulder to cry on at the drop of hat and most of all eternal strength and love to help you though this and pull you back in to the light.

Please refrain from calling me for help though as my judgement of how to help you best is clouded by the love I feel for you.

I too still love you dearly, so dearly but you have chosen your own path now. I will soon have my own space and voids that us beings let be filled the great laws that make our world spin.

I have no Idea where I'll be when or if you call.

Bye bye Poppy.

Scraggy

x
xx

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

Oh Gates of grace ! I have just read your proverbs, yeah, I see what you mean.

The proverb that touched me the most now was this one, number 13 . . .

13. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief.

Yeah, breathe, just breathe and I will maintain the state of amazing love for all that I feel now.

Right now, life to me seems effortless, yeah theres work calling me but I now more than ever see work as play.

Life to me right now, seems effortless.

Dan

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Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

I'm writing with out an internet connection so when I plug in I'll see any posts you guys may have put up . . .

Oh Hell . . . where do I begin . . . let's just say I have travelled a billion light years forward to find my self now asking you guys for guidence again, now though I'm dealing something that is new, totally new.

So I would like to summon you guys to this place here with me to speak, try and help me unknot this for me and Vasu,

Please, beings of purity, light and wisdom, share with me and all here your thoughts, please.

To start this is a letter I wrote to Vasu to totally and formally end the relationship, I stupidly went to hand it to her personally:

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................

Morning Poppy . . .

I think you had better sit some where 'alone' to read this, this is not going to be easy for you but I can’t let you find this out in any other way as I simply love you so much.

I have woken up today thinking so clearly that I can see the life ahead of me, in fact I see that everything is amazing. That what is particularly amazing is that I can't actually see what is a round the next corner at all. I see that is exactly what I love about life, the fear of the unknown simply does not exist in me.

Now that we have split up I have lost you, I could well be moving far away and be in a place where I don't know anyone, don't speak the language, have no family or friends around me, be living in a strange space and be left with nothing around me to comfort me what so ever, I just don’t know where my path is to lead now.

One thing I do truthfully at this point know is that if I did find my self in such a lonely place that I would see that I still have me. My smile, my light and most of all ‘the love for all’ , which as you know is the very essence which makes me, the one you know better than any one else.

I see that I am the birds, trees, flowers, animals, wind, rain, lakes, rivers, oceans, stars and most of all that I am the universe and that the universe is me . . . that I am part of the universe which is made up of an in-comprehend-able power that causes constant change, that it will never stop doing what it's doing to us now . . . that the only way to be Ok with it's power is to surrender to it, to simply trust it.

There is 'no' escape.

This is the place I am at now, in total trust of the universe, in a state of love for every thing and every one . . . in a place where feel I am at one with all.

Lets now look at loneliness and your sex life . . .

If you look at when you where really young, as you said to me you used to keep a pillow between your legs and like the sensation of moving the pillow up against you from as young as you can remember right?

I see that you from a very, very young age that you had not been looked after and most of all not loved as you should have been, that you, right from that very young age when you where a little, little girl had been cast a side as if you where a mere problem, something that should have not happened and as something that was just not wanted at all.

You where cast aside in total coldness, rejected by your own mother. Rejected from the very loving force that brought you in to this life at the mere age of 3 months. My God poppy, I can’t even begin to understand how that must feel. bless you Poppy.

Lets look at your sex drive . . . it has recently got so very strong, it has become such a profound force that you have decided to let go of the very soul that has offered you all that he possibly can in the name of love and instead choose a path to take and go find what it is that you feel I couldn’t give you.

You have now chosen to seek what is that me, Scraggy could not provide but instead go and attempt to find it in some one else, to find some one that will satisfy this burning desire in you, this along with other desires being able to make great love.

When ever we attempted to make love we never got anywhere near it, the loneliness you so deeply suffer from you would bring to bed with us and it would not only make the act of loving some one else for you impossible, close the very senses that need to be switched on for you to feel satisfied but also close all my abilities to love you in return.

This sex drive you have on every occasion forced up-on me when trying to make love . . . this sex drive of yours I see you have very closely connected to the rejection from your own mother from near birth, sex is something that you from as young as you can remember with a pillow up against your body been the most comforting thing you could find while in a state of rejection from everyone that was supposed to take care of you and love you.

You from a very young age have connected sex with this very, very lonely place.

Finally I feel I should fearlessly reveal what I now see to be the truth to you.

You having sex with anyone in an attempt to make love will never, ever satisfy what it is you now seek until , you master loneliness.

I see you have a hell of a path in front of you and quite likely yet more, possible many more very, very difficult love relationships.

I wish you all the strength possible, pure light and for you in particular poppy . . .

as it always has been . . .

is . . .

and always will be . . .

eternal . . .

true . . .

love.

Scraggy

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.......................................................................................................................................................................................................

Ok, in talking Vasu stupidly confessed her profound love for me, what an idiot I am to have returned, problem is it's all about gut feeling not head work and knowing that life is all about decisions and the art is to make as few as you need to and let thing mull over for as long as you possible before you are forced in to a situation where you all of a sudden have to then make a desicion right?

Well in that phone call to Vasu I saw, no love for me from her, no sex drive and to top it off a want of sex with other so I thought, 'The truth' is staring at you, so made that call and called it off. Since then I have been having outer body experiences caused by the sheer joy I felt and entered in to the high est state of Love for everyone and all that I have ever, ever experienced.

This morning I was rolling about on my living room floor laughing my head off with tears of happiness streaming from my eyes, an amazing moment. With my eyes shut in meditation I even saw my own third eye or eye of Wisdom as I once thought it was that I haven't seen for years appear and stare straight at me, it was so clear that this time I could even see eye lashes!!!!

The eye of wisdom always appears to be hovering about 1 meter in front of me when ever I reach this state with eyes closed but realized that it could be literally Millions and millions of miles away yet the size of 50 galaxies across for it to appear so near!!!!

Crazy Hey !!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!!!!!!

So where am I at now then ?? . . .

Well in handing the letter to Vasu she went and stupidly confessed after reading it with tear streaming from her eyes that she still
loved me so very, very dearly.

Now I saw a reason and strenght that would enable us to get back together, I hand't wanted this or yearned for it what so ever but her love for me has opened so many more possibilities that I now just don't know what to decide.

I am back in the same flat with her and it's so tricky.

Ok . . .

Vasu feels the letter I wrote to her above, she sees that she needs to conquer her lonelyness but feels that when she is around me that she pulls me down, personally if I was grounded I'd have maintained the outlook that I had achieved but Vasu has this grounding she provides me, I am now more masculine than ever and her female energy makes me see things as they are, how ever uncomfortable they may be I like to battle them out, this is the way I am so love the effect Vasu has on me which in truth is very healing.

Vasu is still not sure about how to deal with loneliness, weather she wants to me move out or not as she feels she needs space or what??

I feel that I also have this healing effect on her, that this discomfort thats driving her insane when she is around me is her covering ground.

I feel that her wanting to actually be alone is to replace one attachment with another, then when she is lonely sooner or later with her animal sex drive then replace the loneliness with a relationship, then another, then more loneliness and so on.

I don't want to move out if possible but am out that door like a bat out of hell if need be !!! ha ha !

Vasu on the other hand I see a constant repetition in to finally let go of this loneliness to be able to one day love me or another.

What do you suggest guys ?

PLEASE HELP VASU !!!!!!

SHE IS IN A REALLY BAD WAY.

I summon you all for your thoughts and wisdom.

Please help Vasu.

Love to you all . . . again!

Dan

Posted 2 months ago #
BroDan
Member

MOVED TO A NEW TOPIC CALLED:

LONELINESS . . . HOW DO YOU SEE THE WAY OUT ??

Cheers my super beings.

Dan

Posted 2 months ago #

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