Spiritual Forum - Ok, Why 'this' woman and not 'that' woman ??

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Ok, Why 'this' woman and not 'that' woman ??

(13 posts)

Started 1 year ago by BroDan
Latest reply from abstractprophet

BroDan
Member

Hi guys,

firstly I'd like to thank you all for the time you have given me here in the past, finally my emotions seem to be panning out 5 months after my monumental break up to a nice gentle flow to leave me some what balanced as I for the first time since flying the nest find my self living single.

I have recently been dating one or two ladies and have found my self to be at what appears to be in the early stages of something that if I let it, could get more dedicated and serious but I am holding back and she senses this as I know she fears asking me what I'm thinking, so we haven't even had that conversation about 'us' as yet.

Now, this girl 'Stavroula' is the first out of many, many girls who is as far as I can categorise 'nice' and 'giving'. She is also of a feminine polarity enough for me feel gently enchanted when around her, in fact on an ego and love level she is perfect, truly a beautiful being, honest, truthful and classically as the feminine form simply after love, nothing more.

But I am not feeling it, how ever perfect she may appear something is not right and I can't put my finger on it, yes I know that she is me, that she is a reflection of me as every other being and part of the illusion as I see is as well.

I've have also had thoughts that the most likely reason why I don't find my self falling for her is because I'm still mastering self love but I know I am happier than ever these days because I am experiencing the greatest level of self Love I have ever reached.

My question is, why don't we just choose any partner and simply fall for them?

If we are all one, why do we see 'us' in one but not another?

Should I give this more time with Stavrola or speak my mind and let her go?

Thanks for your time, thoughts and posts guys,

Dan

xx

Posted 1 year ago #
Starss
Member

Sometimes we choose partners for what we can learn from them. IF she can
learn from you and you can learn from her,and you have enough in common, both of you can work together But if the scales are one-sided, ie. one learning more than
another, or one besting another...or one giving more than another, the whole
balance is off. As far as lasting relationships, most last until they have
served their purpose and then dissolve and another relationship is built. If you are having doubts, ask her what she feels. Be open and honest about how you feel and
see if she has those same doubts. If you cannot talk with her now, in an open and
honest way, you certainly couldn't build a good relationship. In spite of all of
the promises and vows, few relationships last a lifetime. Some are only temporary...

Posted 1 year ago #
BroDan
Member

Brilliant Stars, thanks so much, you've very quickly cleared my mind.

I feel I'm as usual giving a lot more than I'm receiving and as far as something to learn from each other I know she aspires to learning from me but from her the main thing I feel I could learn is love some one that I have no feelings for, this I feel is self punishment though as I should set my self free of such a situation.

As far as relationships not lasting I have now become at one with this, I live in the now and know that the now could change at any time. I have been reading this incredible book called 'The Way Of The Superior Man' by 'David Dada' and it speaks alot about the fact that most relationships fall apart because the Man has given up loving his woman, usually during times of stress or boredom where a man begins to tolerate his woman instead of loving though her turbulent emotions, this I feel I have become very good at.

In speaking to Stavrola this I will do but even if she is falling for me this is of little or no interest to me apart from the fact that she may be hurt, my love goes out to her but I need to think of my self for my own happiness, this being crucial to be able to give my creative gifts to the world.

I feel like this then when I see her I fell stupid for feeling it as she really is perfect.

The answers will come, I know I have nothing to feel guilty about as lovingly, I am doing my best in this situation.

Thanks Starss

Posted 1 year ago #
abstractprophet
Member

Who is not a gift bearer?

Posted 1 year ago #
BroDan
Member

I hear you Abstractprophet,

But the fear people carry block their ability to give, I don't blame this girl for not giving to me as much, maybe she senses my fear of letting go with her, maybe this is what I need to do and see where it goes but though I haven't been fully giving and reserved to be fully physically with the girl, many a text, phone call and expensive meals out I have given the girl, as well as embracing her very core lovingly.

I know we are all gift bearers but I need to be sure the girl in in front of me is someone I can truly connect with before I heal them of their fear to achieve a state of bliss along side me.

Posted 1 year ago #
Starss
Member

And when that happens Bro, and when that happens, it is spectacular and tremendous.
You meet someone and talk is effortless, being with them is the right thing, there
are few impediments and you think it is too easy. You also think where have they
been all this time? You bring up a subject and they can share it or she says
something you need to learn.

Posted 1 year ago #
BroDan
Member

Oh My God Starss . . . you remind me so beautifully, or should I say maybe you bring me a vision I have never fully experienced before, if I have then briefly.

My trouble is that I feel I value such a time with another too highly, as if it means to much but what you describe is so, so fulfilling to me, am I deceiving my self to feel like this ?

I just don't know how I feel about this girl I'm dating now, maybe thats enough for me to come to my senses and let her go but when you haven't experienced this 'effortless oneness' with another you toy with your ego wondering if you are simply feeling that the grass is greener on the other side and wonder if one is merely being greedy, or is this as sign of lack of self love ??

Tricky tricky tricky . . .

Thanks Starss.

Dan

Posted 1 year ago #
abstractprophet
Member

hi dan,

I know what your saying but in sense it is the exchange itself that is the gift. What is it that is being exchanged? Only you can answer the thoughts that arise through this exchange I would expect that the gift being offered is somewhere around those thoughts, on one level.

I am not saying it is obvious, or is something that you would normally relate to as a gift. More something that reminds you who you are and allows you to get closer to that person.

What do you think?

Posted 1 year ago #
BroDan
Member

Hmmm . . .

Well one thing I realised last night is that Stavrola is fearful, I get all the signs that she likes me but feels she cant simply express wanting me near or out with her. Last night was the first time in a few days where we could meet so I created a situation with a few fun text going back and forth where I carefully hinted I was available and didn't have much to do, finally after the 5th text she asked me if I'd like to come and join her with her friends for a drink so I scooted out and met her.

In meeting her I do get that enchanting feeling, not that much more than I would with a very good friend, this is why I don't want to get intimate with her but I do love cuddling her, this is the inner child of course feeling loved. But again all the effort was on my part but I'm wondering if this is because she simply fears asking?? Stavrola just doesn't express that desire, fire and want towards me, like she appears to be only half interested or a bit 'switched off' if you know what I mean !!!

Having become this being of light and love on the path to enlightment we never have very deep conversations so as far as gifts in the form of thoughts I very rarely get anything that aids me to see things differently thus learn.

Right now it's starting to look like hard work which is the very opposite of being in an effortless relationship, I don't how much longer to give this.

At least I'm well over my past relationship, my emotions have panned out and I'm even considering not going out to party and instead stay at home to be creative, it's the alcohol I need to watch, out or home alone a few times a week I love a few beers or some wine.

Thanks Abstractprophet, I really see what you mean about standing back from a relationship and asking. "What am I actually receiving back out of this in the form or thoughts, actions and effort??".

If I was to answer this the answer would be, near nothing.

I think it's staring me in the face but It's the having some one there that loves to receive my affection me around me that I think I need to let go of as well as the fear of hurting her, this of course is an illusion till the moment comes.

I also need to stop chasing, hunting and looking for love from another but I find it hard not to chase it.

Thanks Abstractprophet.

Dan

Posted 1 year ago #
Starss
Member

I have found, if it might be helpful, that when a relationship isn't giving
you what you need, it's time to go within and give yourself a little more love
and a little more attention. I get the feeling you are so desperate for a
relationship you would do anything, turn yourself inside out, but that's when
you need to start loving yourself a litle more. A woman gets nervous and appre-
hensive when a man pursues too much, too needy...The first thought is "What is
wrong with this guy?" The second is "He wants only a superficial relationship."
And the third thought is "He must have some serious problems which I ought to
avoid." Find an interesting hobby...that takes up a lot of your time.
I have heard that treating a women a little curt, not nasty, but not having
enough time sometimes makes them chase you... I've never given chase, but I
dislike weak girly men... Hope this is helpful...

Posted 1 year ago #
BroDan
Member

I hear you Starss,

I do don't so much as have hobbies as my dedication to DJ-ing takes up so much of my time, I don't own a television either as I'd always much rather go out to have good time or to listen to music.

Also No !!! I wouldn't do 'anything' to get in to any relationship, lets say I get plenty of offers and looks when I'm out but very, very few girls interest me. I'm cautious not to let a girl become hopeful of getting together with me till I know more. These are all signs that I've passed that desperate faze after a big break up.

Not just any one will do, in fact very much the contrary but I am 'looking' for that one girl I must admit, is this unhealthy you feel?

Posted 1 year ago #
Starss
Member

My greatest relationship or the one that returned a ton of growth, was
the most spiritual one. I met someone and everything he said had a direct
connection to me and to something I had experienced. It was a lot of give
and take...within 6 months I was telling a friend that this man was my best
friend...the relationship was intense with sparks flying...so much so that
no one ever stood between us..energy was passing back and forth...it was
so intense we believed that if we were to get closer, there would be explosions
of heart stopping intensity.
For the longest time there was no intimate relationship because of that intensity
so we had plenty of time to develop a deep friendship.
Now there is a problem with a relationship this intense.Yes I did experience one on one with God and it was the most wonderful Yes, you grow, yes
you learn, yes it is wonderful, but when it ends, and nothing lasts forever,
it hurts for a long, long time.
To take up that empty place which was huge, I developed new talents, new circles
of interest, read new books, developed new skills and simply found myself busy
with other things.
When I was young, my mother told me to develop as many interests and learning
as I could because each thing I learned could contribute to any relationship. I have
found that to be excellent advice. The more you know, the more you can share.
I also know one other thing...when it comes, it will hit you like a ton of bricks.
You will know...
I see you are immensely interested in music...so a good relationship
for you will include music...the playing of it, writing lyrics, classes about
it...perhaps even playing a musical instrument... DJ'g a local karaoke night...
oh and don't worry...it will happen... You know what John Lennon said "LIfe is
what happens when you're busy making OTHER plans!" Get busy making other plans.

Posted 1 year ago #
abstractprophet
Member

Hi dan,

What that you realise about anyone is not a realisation that arises from within you? What is it that you are projecting into these relationships?

IMO, life & love is unique that it always gives you exactly what you need in any given moment to get you to the next. It is relentless in its precision even though at times it feels like I am not getting what I want, I always get what I need.

It is perhaps this wanting that hides the truth behind what is needed. What do you think?

Why is it that we chase love?

Posted 1 year ago #

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