Collection of Thoughts

Collection of Thoughts » Collection of thoughts

1. Karma
   Member
   

   

   Hi guys.

   I am new to this site and I am not used to putting my thoughts, ideas and fears in writing but have been going through a bumpy ride lately and thought that it may be time to try a new way of communication. I have read a few of your threads and really connected to the discussions you had and each point of view brought forward.

   I grew up surrounded by a community that believed and lived by their ego. What is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ and how you should dress, act and think to fit within society. I always felt that I could not fit in and realised so when I moved to a different place a few years ago and found myself surrounded by people from different backgrounds with different ideas and ways of living than what I knew.

   I was quickly drawn to the spiritual enlightenment and to living within the now, acting and doing as I pleased (but always made sure that my actions did not hurt/affect people around me). Now I have come to a point where I can only describe as ‘torn between two worlds’. I want to roam free without a care in the world (doing what, I don’t know yet! But maybe find out in the process) but I feel ‘pulled down’ and sucked into a full-time job just to respond to my responsibility to society and my family (parents).

   I am in my mid 20’s have studied and have been working for the past few years. Up till now all I have done was to please my family (studying what I did and finding a full-time job). I never had the time to search for what it is 'I' want. Things where always laid in front of me and decisions where already taken before I could accept them.

   Although I do like my job, yes it comes with great responsibility but is also creative and interesting, I am not sure if I can see myself continuing in that path for the rest of my life. A couple of weeks ago I took a decision to let go of my fears and leave this comfort zone I live in and roam free in search of what I truly desire (not influenced by society or my parents dreams for me). The thought of such freedom gave me a feeling I have never felt before, scared but at the same time full of life and happiness, I was crying and smiling at the same time!! And so I felt that I was ready for a change in my life and a big one. With the aim of finding happiness within myself I started to open up to new experiences and slowly letting go of my fears (the main one was to keep my parents happy and to live up to their expectations). Not long later I was challenged and my fears came rushing right back into me with more than what I had before when I was close to losing one of my parent.

   This incident has confused me much more than I was. As I said before I feel like I am ‘torn between two worlds’. I want to live my life fearlessly and search the world of what it has to offer but I also want to stay by my family and help them spiritually, emotionally and economically. Is what I’m seeking possible? I’m sure everything is possible but I can’t see a solution for this now and that’s why I am after your help. I have so many questions; I don’t know where to start from. Can someone grow spiritually but still live within society and by society’s rules? Would it be selfish of me if I still continued my path of finding self happiness and not stand by my family at their time of need? Or can I do both at the same time?

   I am truly lost and confused. What I have written may not make a lot of sense but it is the first time I try to put my thoughts in writing.

   I am looking forward to any hep or guidance you could offer me.

   Lots of love
   A lost new member.
   xxx

   Posted 1 year ago #

2. selfseeker
   Member
   

   

   Dear Karma,

   Dilemma is an essential part of life. You must find a solution ... that is the game we all are in !

   "I did till now what my parents asked me to do .... I want to do something what I want ... I want to live "my life" on my terms ! .... etc. etc." ...... dear friend, this is what bothered me when I was young & this is what my son told me once. This world is like this. Such thoughts are quite normal in the age you are.

   Let me deal with different issues that you have raised here :

   i) Parental control to some extent helps you in your growth. You must thank you parents for taking care of you & guiding you properly. During teen-age we start feeling that we know everything & are capable of taking right decisions for us. It may be true in exceptional cases but in most of the cases, our parents know better .... we don't have the vast treasure of experience that they have, so they are in a better position to guide. That is why in Hindu philosophy, parents are called the First Teacher.

   ii) Regarding going out, seeing the world yourself, having a feel of it in free environment ...

   What stops you in your present environment ? My dear friend, the environment doesn't bind you ... your thoughts bind you wherever you are. You are bored in your current life. OK. Go to any virgin island & enjoy the beauty of nature & freedom from rountine-bound life for a week ... this joy will vanish with passage of time & you would start longing for going back to your good old world very soon !

   We always hanker after what we have not ... we have no time to enjoy what we already have because we are too busy planning, thinking for something which we don't have ! We are all moving in mirage of desires ... If I reach that place, that position, I shall become happy .... I marry that girl/boy, I shall be happy .... if I get that job, I shall be happy ... if I get that house, I shall be happy ..... there is really no end to it.
   We keep on trying to find something that would make us really happy ... but what we actually get is ephemeral happiness ... very short-lived happiness ... desires keep increasing ....

   The external environment is not much important. You carry your world within you, wherever you go. "You" & "your world" is nothing but a bundle of "your thoughts". You must see this correctly to understand the true cause of your restlessness. Otherwise, there is no peace lying anywhere where anyone can go and win it for himself.

   iii) Spirituality, family, career & the busy life ... can all these go together ? ====> What is spirituality ? Should I leave my house, my family, my job & become a wandering monk ? Should I go to the jungles & sit in meditation, to attain enlightenment ?

   * If an enlightenment achieved is environment specific, it has no value because it will be lost once the environment is lost.
   * First learn through books, self contemplation & then decide ... it pays to have patience. Remember, God will present the correct environment when you need it. You must have true thirst for the Truth.
   * You can always close the door of a room in your house & ask people not to disturb you whenever you want solitude for meditation or other spiritual practices.
   * There is a well designed course by Sri Paramhans Yogonanada ... run by Self Realisation Fellowship, California, USA or Yogoda Satsanga Society of India. I strongly recommend this course for you. You don't have to take any drastic step for treading the path of spirituality. This course will make things crystal clear for you & you would be able to maintain a healthy balance between your material life & spiritual life.

   Posted 1 year ago #

3. gatesofgrace
   Member
   

   

   Karma,

   Are you there? Still having issue's! Let's talk if you wish?

   Posted 1 year ago #

4. BroDan
   Member
   

   

   Hi Karma,

   Welcome, you have honestly found the most amazing forum, in reading your post I really connect wiht what you say, as I too am what appears a 'youngster' on here at the age of 31, the guys posting here are so, so wise and have helped me though so much you wouldn't believe.

   Personally I have found my self to have a 'warrior' approach to life and when recently I faced with big challenges such as 7 months ago a huge relationships break up seven months ago was forced to set my self free and start a new life of my own.

   Your parents . . . personally I would prepare your self to cut them out of your life, this is what I chose to do with my family and said to them that if they wanted me be truly happy that they would simply stand by me and my decisions, in doing so my parents where shocked but funny enough once they could see I can take care of my self and saw I'd survived so much agony and starting my new life with out asking them for any help what so ever my father especially was left with out words when he stepped in to my new flat.

   What I think had happened was that he felt like he'd fathered a son who had become, strong, disciplined and most of all totally independent of him, my family or any one else, it was this that touched him and ever since they have't dared intervene in my wishes and now very much listen to my points of view on life's affairs when round the table. They never call being worried either, it's bliss !!!

   You have 'your' path, 'your' rules, now go fly, 'do' and 'be'.

   This is your life no one else and quite frankly if they cant respect that, whether they be a parent, blood brother or sister, neighbour or friend, they can get lost.

   It's all about being selfish as I have found, if you go on for ever wearing a mask or 'acting' to please others then where are 'you' in 'your' life?? You just disappear, the real 'you' not only isn't 'being' or shining but the stress you or any of us put our selves under by not being our selves is tiring, very tiring.

   I now am so 'me', I stand proud to be 'me' with my views seen as just 'opinions' I walk the planet free not needing a single other human being to lean up on or to convince, I need not convince any one, I am me and thats that.

   Karma, go ! Fly !

   If any one gets in the way then 'lovingly' be honest and truthful, the release of the past in taking on such a true way to be does hurt to transform in to but believe me, it's nice out here, very, very nice.

   Join us !

   xx

   Posted 1 year ago #

5. Karma
   Member
   

   

   Hi guys,

   Thank you very much for your replies. Your adcvice Selfseeker really helped me out. And yes gatesofgrace, I am still up for talking.

   I have been spending some solitude time since my last post. Reading again and again your replies until they sunk in.

   Selfseeker, don't get me wrong. I am very gratefull for my parents guidance and help. And I know that if it wasn't for them I wouldn't have achieved as much as I already have. BroDan I do not want to cut my parents out of my life. They have always been there for me and now that they need me I want to be there for them. I have lived away from my parents from the age of 17, and I have long ago proved to them that I am independant and they listen to my point of view in certain discussions. And it is out of love and not pressure that I want to be there for them.

   'We always hanker after what we have not ... we have no time to enjoy what we already have because we are too busy planning, thinking for something which we don't have ! We are all moving in mirage of desires ... If I reach that place, that position, I shall become happy .... I marry that girl/boy, I shall be happy .... if I get that job, I shall be happy ... if I get that house, I shall be happy ..... there is really no end to it.' I very much agree with what you said. All this time I've been planning to do things, go places, live different experiences, but out of fear I have never had the courage to do as I planned.

   A couple of weeks before my last post I had decided to do all of what I had feared. Seeing that life is short and there was no reason to fear chasing our dreams whatever they are and wherever we are. That was pointed out when I was about to lose my parent in a split second.

   I now have realised that enlightment and meditation can be acieved anywhere as long as you really want to. I always thought that I had to be in the right environment or live amongst the enlightened people to achieve spiritual peace. What always confused me is that nearly all the people I met live in the opposite extreme worlds. They either were too materialistic and went with their ego, or they would go and live in India meditating and seeking self peace (something like what you said selfseeker 'What is spirituality ? Should I leave my house, my family, my job & become a wandering monk ? Should I go to the jungles & sit in meditation, to attain enlightenment ?')

   I still don't have the answers to all of my questions but I feel like I am on the right path. I am feeling more confident in the place I'm in right now -- standing in the middle of two worlds and taking the best out of both.

   Thank you very much for your help guys. You've been very supportive.

   With love
   Karma

   Posted 1 year ago #

6. selfseeker
   Member
   

   

   Wish you all the best, Karma ! :)

   Posted 1 year ago #

7. starzz
   Member
   

   

   One of the challenges of life is to find what you are best doing. When you find that
   little niche in which you can give your best, feel your best, you find also there, the
   most improved you. You might have to do a lot of exploring to find it. As far as parents, they, out of love, guide, guide, and guide. That is love to them. Parents will
   always suggest what makes them suffer less, for you. There comes a time when you have
   to say, "I love you, but I have to do things my way, knowing that you gave me all you
   could when I was growing up!"
   You will discover, perhaps, that everything that happens is a variant of love. Either
   someone is looking for love, wanting love, lacking love, grieving love, whether from
   within themselves or from others. It is all love, even the ugly parts. What you discover, is that when love is hurt produces anger, hatred, repression, revenge, and some of the more terrible things that happen here. But love is the source.

   Posted 1 year ago #

8. starzz
   Member
   

   

   I agree about Yogananda. He is one of the most loving persons and simply reading his
   books gives you an inflow of love... I was astonished at his compassion..

   Posted 1 year ago #

9. starzz
   Member
   

   

   One needs to remember that we, all of us, are sourced in the same loving place..those
   who feel lack of that love, were hurt in their growth process.

   Posted 1 year ago #

10. BroDan
    Member
    

    

    Hey Karma,

    You and me too, I'm in quite a similar position now.

    Over time I've found the courage to stick to doing what makes 'me' happy and warning people that if they don't support my views to do what makes 'me' happy that I'll disappear from their surroundings. I am like this with my parents to some degree, I don't feel I owe them anything as I give to others not wanting anything in return but my parents as yours really have earned their position in standing by me through thick and thin. With this in mind I am so great full to have such amazing parents and will always discuss anything I want to do that might upset them for them to understand me better. With my proven track record of independence and survival through some very challenging days I know see my parents totally relax as I throw my self at my greatest fears.

    I am soon to leave the UK and all my family for good, I'm sure I'll visit from time to time especially if they need me but I've nearly sold everything I own and am going to try and make it as a DJ in Europe's dance music capital, Ibiza !

    I have just come out of quite a turbulent faze as I mastered 'self love'. It's something you enter and then for ever purify into. I was reading a book called 'The Practice of Brahmacharya' and it was brutal, totally brutal. The author speaks of our desires stemming from passion, that passion is the force that fuels us to want to create, draw, paint, play instruments and sing. That passion is actually a 'lust'.

    The author then goes on to say that until we eradicate lust from our beings that we will always be chasing our illusionary needs
    and never be happy with what we have, this turn me up side down as it would mean giving up all those things 'I Love', everything.

    Later with my little 18 year old sister we stayed up late one night pulling all this apart and realised that the Author having reached this level of a 'lust free life' after years and years of practising to become so pure cannot be sat there with some thing more with in him to look at purifying of him self further. For instance, there's a picture of him on the front wearing clothes, does he now not ask him self about the origins of his clothes and if their origins are pure enough of ill intent during the production of them enough for him to wear them? Or, should he not do and extra 50 press ups on his knuckles before sun rise to purify him self further of any more I'll feelings that may be lurking with in him?

    In other words, you get to one stage and there will be something else to clear your self of. Clear your self of that and there will be something else, for ever, non stop so my sister and I realised there really is no point putting our selves in to a military state of mind what so ever, that answer is to sit back and enjoy life but . . . put a little gentle pressure of discipline to evolve but not so much that is makes you unhappy.

    This is where I'm at now, taking things easier on my self, so once again my ability to self love is greater than ever, I may totally new way of loving my self better tomorrow but, right now, I am where I am.

    You with me guys?

    Posted 1 year ago #

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